Horsey McHorseFace: The Funniest Horse Racing Names Of All Time
When raising a racehorse, you'll want to think twice about its name. Racehorse names should adhere a particular set of rules: nothing too long; no horse-related terms like "mare" or "stallion"; no racetrack names; and no names made out of numbers. So if you can't call your horse Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious or use binary code, what can you do?
Don't worry. Horse owners have gotten creative over the years. The sheer knowledge that "Bodacious Tatas" or "That's Whatshesaid" could be blasted over the intercom is enough to name your horse that way. Here are the most hysterical racehorse names of all time.
Brangelina
Someone must have really shipped Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to name their gelding horse Brangelina. The horse began competing in 2017, three years after the celebrity couple married. To this day, the four-year-old horse still actively races.
Time will tell how owners Micheal and Linda Mazoch will handle the name now that Jolie and Pitt recently filed for divorce in January 2019. The split may even affect Brangelina's sister, Wedding Vow. (Yes, that is actually her sister's name.)
Bodacious Tatas
Bodacious Tatas raced in Florida with rider Rick Wilson from 1991 to 1987, earning a whopping $440,000 in revenue. As it turns out, Bodacious Tatas's incredible name comes from a unique family legacy. Her siblings include Mr. Prospector and Well Done, with progenies such as What a Pleasure and Gold Digger.
The last reports of this horse note that she retired around age 34. Her long career may be attributed to her fantastic name and fabulous physique. Long live Bodacious Tatas.
That's Whatshesaid
That's Whatshesaid is a mare that competed in a lot of exhilarating races (that's what she said) from 2009 to 2010. She finished third twice (that's what she said), but that's her highest credential. She is admired for her speed and stamina (that's what she said).
Remember, That's Whatshesaid is a different horse than Thatswhatshesaid, who only raced in 2000. That explains the weird name break, at least (that's what she said). This joke doesn't ever work anymore; we're just using it as much as possible because this is the only time we'll ever be allowed to say "that's what she said" in an article.
Horse
The owner of this horse probably didn't want anyone to mistake what kind of animal he was riding. Whenever the announcer would say, "Here we have Rafael Rohena Jr., riding Horse," everyone immediately understood that he was not riding an ostrich.
Horse--not just any horse; this particular Horse--raced from 2012 to 2014 in New York. He was owned by Rafael Jose Rohena and ridden by his son, who might've kept forgetting what animal he rode if not for the horse's convenient name.
Horsey McHorseFace
When Bjorn Baker and Joe Rosetti caught wind of a lead boat named Boaty McBoatFace, he decided to pay homage to the craft by calling his horse Horsey McHorseFace. He originally came from New Zealand, but raced in Australia through 2016. "Joes' a good bloke and he's a good horse," Baker told CNN. "We just thought it would be a good fit."
Horsey McHorseFace was eventually put on auction and sold for over $17,000. Sadly, he was euthanized in 2017 due to bone disease. But his name trend lives on in Australia through Ferry McFerryface.
Potoooooooo
Potoooooooo (sometimes spelled Pot-8-O's or Pot8O's) was one of the most famous racehorses of the eighteenth century. Oh yeah--our ancestors had a great sense of humor as well. This chestnut stallion won almost every race he partook in between 1776 and 1783.
The legend behind his name has many versions, but one popular story states that Pot8O's owner Earl Willoughby Bertie wanted to name him Potato and instructed a stable boy to write his name on his feed bin. The boy misspelled it as Potoooooooo.
Thegirlinthatsong
You know the one. Yeah, her. Well, this Texas racehorse was named after the girl in the song you're thinking about right now. You know, the one that's been stuck in your head on the drive to work. She's made a lot of earnings racing in 2014 and 2015, probably due to her iconic name.
When the announcer proclaimed, "Here comes Martin Garcia, riding Thegirlinthatsong," the spectators thought, "Ah, that one!" They probably all bet on her after that, since they knew which girl they were supporting.
Thatswhatithought
Thatswhatithought races with rider Rodney Prescott from Indiana, just as I thought. He won great earnings in 2018, as I suspected. He mainly competes in the Indiana Grand Race Course--just what I presumed.
And just as I thought, he's still racing. In fact, he turned out precisely how the owner planned he would. He won exactly what they thought he would achieve. Is the joke boring you yet? Yep...that's what I thought.
Eighteencharacters
Have you wondered why names such as Thatswhatithought end up smooshed together oddly? That's because The Jockey Club lays down a hard rule that horse's names can be no longer than eighteen characters, including spaces. Well, one snarky owner realized that the name Eighteencharacters has eighteen characters, and literally named her horse that.
Yeah, Eighteencharacters is a registered racehorse that's been competing in California since 2016. His performances have also been impressive, winning first place in five races so far.
Ms. Turducken
Have you ever loved a deboned chicken stuffed into a deboned duck so much that you'd name a pet after it? This Kentucky rider did with his chestnut mare, Turducken. Ms. Turducken, to use the proper honorifics.
Ms. Turducken raced from 2010 to 2012 and won third place in one of her races. Afterward, owner and trainer Christopher Speckert would go out and have turducken to celebrate. Not really--we made that up. But would you be surprised if he did?
Nosupeforyou
Nosupeforyou raced in the Kentucky Derby from 2001 to 2007 with his jockey, Marco Ccamaque. In total, he made over $240,000 in earnings. It's no coincidence that most of the rider's profits came from 2004, when the "No soup for you" Seinfeld meme reignited in popularity.
It's unknown if the horse was renamed for the 2004 meme, considering that the line had been joked about years prior. Either way, the cheeky name gave the horse and rider more publicity and income.
Miss Terrible
Meet Miss Terrible, the Argentinian racing horse that's actually not terrible. From 2001 to 2006, she's won ten races. Her personality, however: terrible. And her eyelashes? Terrible. Everything about her life seems terrible except for her racing record.
If you think about it, what's the point of winning races if the rest of your life feels terrible? Those trophies can't fill the empty shelves of your heart. And no matter how quickly you run, at the finish line awaits your same problems. Miss Terrible...probably retired due to an existential crisis.
Walk Of Shame
Although Run of Shame may have been the more accurate name for a racehorse, Walk of Shame has had few shameful races, winning or placing in 40% of her competitions. In horse racing culture, that's considered a lot of wins.
This gelding competed in 2015 and 2016. Her only walk of shame was when she stopped competing, unless the horse is going out to nightclubs behind the scenes. She might've had some more depressing walks at 2 a.m. outside a decrepit Kentucky bar.
She's Salty Too
Oh, so you thought Irish horse trainer Lon Wiggins acts a bit salty? Well, what about his horse, She's Salty Too? She's so salty that she ranked in the top three for five different horse races from 2008 to 2016. She actually doesn't want to be there, so she runs extra fast to hopefully make it out of the track before any other horse leaves.
Yeah, she's still racing, but she isn't happy about it. Timothy hay instead of alfalfa? Ugh. Just try to lead her out of the stable after that rip-off.
Junkinthetrunk
First off, no, this isn't some obscure reference to the 2018 show Junk in the Trunk. This horse raced in 2004 and 2008, making her name an honorable meme homage. Since it's hard to find pictures of this horse, we can only speculate on the amount of junk that is indeed in her trunk.
The horse may be bootilicious in her own way. If that's the case, you may want to consider meeting her sister, Up the Flagpole.
Shakalakaboomboom
This Irish gelding's name must have made the announcer's day. The term has some dirty insinuations in India which we won't discuss here. But as English-speakers, we can enjoy the crisp percussion sound the word gives off.
Shakalakaboomboom raced and hurtled from 2009 through 2017. Unfortunately, Shakalaka won't be boombooming through any more races. At just twelve years old, she already retired, like most of us wish we could do.
Big Bazinga
Big Bazinga raced into the Kentucky Derby faster than the nerdy catchphrase raced its way into memes. The horse and rider Hannah Twomey have been active since 2013, but their last race was in September of 2018.
The Big Bang Theory catchphrase doesn't just name a racehorse. It's also the name of a bee. The Euglossa bazinga, to be exact. And yes, the Brazilian biologists who named it were aware of the TV show reference.
Curse Reversed
For over 80 years, the so-called Curse of the Bambino prevented the Boston Red Sox from winning the World Series. Finally, the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, reversing the curse. What better way to celebrate than to name a horse after this momentous occasion?
Curse Reversed, the Kentucky thoroughbred didn't race on record until 2006, and earned most of his winnings in 2007. Fortunately, there's no time limit on this horse--the curse will still be null ten years from now, right?
Riding Miss Daisy 2
Yes, this 2004 thoroughbred racing horse was named Riding Miss Daisy 2. Riding fans can only speculate on what happened to Riding Miss Daisy 1. Perhaps she was never ridden, making her name not only inappropriate but effaced from hilarious horse name history.
Why didn't they name her Driving Miss Daisy? Because that's the name of another horse who competed with jockey Johnaton-Porter from 2009 to 2014. It's understandable that this rider didn't want to resort to the name Riding Miss Daisy 3.
Forget Bob
Forget Bob raced in 2009, but that's not the important part of this narrative. Who is Bob? Why should we forget him? What has he done that cements him in racing history as a grey gelding? How could we possibly forget Bob when we say his name every time we say the horse's name?
Perhaps the gelding's name references the song "Forget" by B.o.B. Or perhaps it alludes to a more sinister story, one so mysterious and supernatural that anyone who bids on Forget Bob immediately forgets how much they put down.
